Carry on, Wayward Hound
by Luckie D
Summary: With old age dawning on Ace, Maria is stuck with a tough decision of what to do. Involved character death and tragedy.
1. Chapter 1

**Actually wrote this last year (May 23, 08) after the passing of an elder pet who took her last breath in my arms. Maria and Ace are my own creation. Rest goes to Dick Wolf.**

_Sure, let's add Kidney failure to the list,_ Maria thought bitterly to herself as the Vet explained the added health problems that plagued Ace, her elderly Rottweiler. Being her partner and friend since the day he was a puppy, Ace sat next to her and his deep breathings were the only signs he was still with them. His once strong and powerful muzzle was now pure as snow from age and his muscular body was now bony from added illnesses.

"I hate to tell you this, but at this stage of his life, he may not last the rest of the week." The Vet sat down beside Maria and placed his hand on her shoulder, "If I was able to help him without causing more harm, I would. But...he's so far from us now, there's nothing we can do except wait." He handed her the chart that showed what was starting to fail in his system, having known that she was able to understand the charts and knew what to look at.

Leaning on her knees as the information sunk in, Maria's green eyes moved to look at her dying friend. "Is he in any pain?" The vet shook his head as his answer and she resumed to stare at the floor. _What the Hell am I going to do? And how the devil am I going to say this to John? _Reaching her hand down to stroke the top of his head, Maria fought off the tears that threatened to fall since the day she noticed Ace not eating or drinking the past week. "How...how long does he have again?"

"With the kidney failure, along with the heart murmurs, he may not last the week. Whether he does or not, I would like you to call me, okay?" He kept his hand on her shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze for some comfort. "If you have any questions for me, any at all, please call me any time, Detective."

Nodding without responding, Maria stood up and slowly moved the aging dog out of the room to where John was sitting. Moving his attention from playing with someone's Cocker spaniel, John could clearly see that something was really wrong with and he stepped forward to pay for the fee, rather then having her do it. Waiting before talking about the situation, John bent down and lifted Ace into his arms with ease. Since he lost weight with his added problems, Ace was easier to pick up and carry out into the car.

Once Ace was comfortable in the backseat, a comfortable blanket placed under him, both sat in the front seats in silence. Buckling up and starting up the car, John glanced over to see Maria staring out the window and broke the silence carefully. "What did the vet say?"

Releasing a long sigh, she turned her head slowly away from the window, "He mainly said that his kidneys have started to fail and, with the state of his health, he may not last the week. The only good thing is that he's not in any pain or I would have had him put down. There's no possible way I can stand watching him suffer after what happened to Alex." Maria clenched her jaw and turned away from him to stare out the window again. "I mean, I know he's an old dog - really old for his breed- but knowing what is now wrong with him, I feel better knowing with what we are dealing with."

Slowing down at stop light, John reached a hand out and grasped her hand, pushing his long fingers through her tight fist. "It's going to be alright, Maria." She turned her head to look at him, her eyes staring blankly at him. "It will be, sweetie. I told Cragen of what was happening while you were with the vet and he understands if you need a few days off to be Ace." Watching her from the corner of his eye, he felt her grasp his hand hard as she went back to staring out the window again. _She trying to hide her emotions again._

It was one thing that bothered her more then anything. Maria would try so hard not to show her emotions to anyone, but it would always show through during difficult times. With this new drama happening when Ace's health, it was hard to keep it in. Releasing John's hand so he could properly drive, she turned her head to see Ace fast asleep in the back, his front paws under his large head. Giving him a small tap to see if he really was still with them, Maria gave him a sad smile when he opened one dark eye.

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Once the car had been parked and John carried Ace to her apartment, the wayward dog slowly made his way to his bed in the corner of the living room, a soft thump when he laid down and fell back to sleep. "I don't know," Maria started once she tossed useless mail into the shredder, "Ace and I have been together since he was a pup. He never wondered away from me, he knows more commands then the Government and he's...he's my friend and companion, John." She clenched her jaw tight to keep her own emotions in check as they slipped into the dinning chairs.

John tipped his head to one side as she rested her chin in her arms, her eyes avoiding his. "Talk to me, sweetie," he whispered, reaching across the table and taking her hand. Her fingers were now cold to the touch and it broke his heart watching her struggling with this tragedy that was they both wanted to avoid. Seeing she wasn't going to speak at all, John stood slowly and headed to the kitchen, warming a cup of water for tea.

Placing the warming tea in front of her, John watched as her blank eyes glanced at the mug and a hand reached out for it. Sitting up enough to take a small sip, Maria gave John a small smile and gave a soft, "Thanks."

Smiling as he reached across the table and grasped her hand, John waited as she took a few more sips of the warm tea before asking once again. "Baby, talk to me."

"I just...I don't know what to do," she replied softly as she rested her chin on her arm. "What am I going to do, John?" Her voice cracked with emotion as the realization started to sick in.

Moving his chair closer to her and keeping a good hold of her hand, John wrapped his free arm around her and said softly, "I don't know. But, I'll figure something out for us and him."

**To be continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

After several takes of pain killers to get some sleep, Maria finally passed out on the bed while John shut the lights off for the night. Making a last check on Ace's still warm body, he quietly slipped into the dark room, changed into his black scrubs and slowly slipped in next to Maria. _What are we going to do? _He sighed to himself as she unconsciously snuggled closer to him, fingers taking a grip of his scrubs top. Gently kissing her sleeping lips, he settled down into the pillows and concentrated on her breathing.

Concentrating on the ticking of the fan above their heads, he started to slowly drift off to sleep and the worried thought of Ace's fate stuck close to his heart. After several long moments, a small voice broke through the silence and brought John crashing back down to reality.

"John?" A hand pressed against his chest as she sat up a little, John reached a hand out and came in contact with her neck, noticing her chin was damp from tears. "John?"

"Babe, what's the matter?" Sitting up and turning on the lamp, he saw her eyes and cheeks were red from crying. "Oh sweetie, how long have you been awake?"

"I just woke up and I just had this fear that -" she stopped and couldn't find the words to say. Pulling herself from his arms, she sat up and draped her legs over the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry for waking you, John. You can go back to sleep while I go check on him." Pulling on her robe and tying it shut, Maria walked out of the bedroom and turned on a lamp to the living space. Kneeling down and running her hand over Ace's body, she gave a sad smile as he lifted his head and rested it in her hand. "Hey, old man. How are you feeling, buddy?"

Grabbing a couch pillow, Maria took a spot next to him and sat down with his head on her lap. Racking her fingers through his short fur, Maria leaned her head against the wall and stared into the darkness of her apartment. "What am I going to do, Ace? I know the best thing I can do is to wait until you want to go, but it hurts to think about it. I knew the moment I got you, we would have rough roads ahead with the work we do and what we have done together. I trained you, housed you and even shared the driver's seat with you." She laughed as she wiped her eyes, "McKern was never happy about that...but it made Scott laugh. Every time. I never considered you a replacement for Alex after he died, but I bet you know that. They all call the new partners as replacements, but you were never a replacement for Alex. I saw you as a new partner and friend that I made and needed, since I was so close to the end of my pregnancy by that time."

Opening her eyes and looking down to where she knew he was, Maria clenched her jaw once again to stop herself from loosing control. "Just do one big thing for me? Say hi to Scott and Alex for me, alright?" The tears streamed down her cheeks as she spoke, wanting to get all she wanted to say out - before it was too late. "I know that it's time for you to pass on, Ace, but it hurts and I don't want you to leave me." Chin trembling, her voice started to waver from the pain that was creeping through. "We've been through a lot of Hell and back since the day you graduated from the academy and I'm very, very grateful you were with me when I was attacked. In a way, my friend, you were a special victim yourself the moment he stabbed you." Her fingers traced over where a long scar was on the top of his huge head and flashes of the attack came flooding back. Ace's bark and the flash of the knife as it hit him - over and over again - but he never backed down until one blow to his side knocked him down.

Shaking her head firmly, Maria forced the awful memories back in the box in the back of her mind. Since the day she left the hospital, her own PTSD had been treated by Huang, medications, and the love John had provided, but she found herself wondering if Ace had nightmares like her's. Turning on the lamp close to her, her eyes scanned her wall until she saw the plaque that had been awarded to Ace for his bravery against her ex-partner who raped, tortured and left her and him for dead. "What am I going to do without you, Ace?"

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Listening from the inside of the bedroom door, John gave her the space that she needed to come to terms with what was happening. As the same time, he wanted the hug her and lift the pain she was fighting. Hearing her let out heart tugging cries, John moved quickly to hold her to him while gently stroking Ace's thick neck.

"Easy, baby. Easy," He whispered as he gently massaged the back of her neck with his other hand. Feeling her move to hide her face against his neck, John moved to wrap his arm around her waist and shifted himself to sitting against the wall instead of kneeling down. Peering to look down at Ace, he could see the elderly dog was still with them, but his breathing was labored and seemed to be forced. _Oh, Ace. Stop fighting it. _He thought to himself as he felt Maria move closer to him and fully rested her body against him.

"John?"

"I'm right here, sweetie," He whispered softly as he placed a small kiss on her temple. "What's the matter, love?"

"Stay with me right here tonight?" She lifted her head from his shoulder and looked at him with pleading eyes. "I don't want to leave him alone right now."

John strongly considered it as she needed him more then ever, but the pain they would both feel in the morning bothered him. "How about I carry him into the bedroom so he can be in there with us for the night." She still stared at him before slowly closer her eyes in exhaustion, grief and fear. Resting her head back against his shoulder, she gave a small nod in agreement. Moving to stand back up and holding a hand out for her to take, John helped her onto her feet and knelt down to pick up Ace carefully.

Once laying him down on the dog bed in the bedroom, John gently assisted Maria back into bed and tucked her in. Considering the dog bed had been moved to be right at the edge of where the bed was, Maria could easily lay on her left side, drape one arm over the bed and make sure she had contact with his body. Curling up behind her, John held her close to his body and focused on her breathing before it lulled him to sleep.

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"John, you look like hell, man," Fin commented the next morning as John slumped behind his desk. "How's she doin'?" All detectives knew about Ace's condition and how Cragen had allowed her to stay home with the ailing ex K-9 cop.

"Not good," John waved a hand in the air to show it was not good. At all. "She was up most of the night with Ace, tossed, turned, and just could not relax or calm down." Letting out a long sigh, he stood to fill his mug with the morning coffee and hoped he would, at least, last the day. With Maria unable to sleep at night, he was unable to sleep at all. "Ace is struggling to move, eat and I know she's considering having him put down, but she's struggling with that decision."

"What's she doing for now?"

"Force feeding and making sure he is comfortable enough so he doesn't have to move. He only really gets up if he needs to go out and that's not very much either." Sitting back down, he glanced over his glasses at his partner and said quietly, "I really don't think he's going to make the week, to be honest."

"Really, man? That's not good." Fin frowned sadly as he reached for his ringing phone. Holding up his hand, he answered it and left John with his thoughts. Twirling his pen between his long fingers, he stared at his computer screen before sighing and made himself to get to work, knowing he had to keep going. As planned out, he had permission to head back home for his lunch hour and check in on her and Ace. In the midst of typing out his reports, he heard a click and moved his dark eyes to see his partner frown as he turned back to his DD-5s. ""Well, that just made things easier."

"What?"

"Benson and Stabler's suspect just committed suicide and they're going to be from the station for the a while to sort shit out." Fin couldn't help but give a small grin, knowing they would probably have the station house to themselves and a chance to get work done in silence. "Not that it's a good thing their suspect hanged himself...," Fin left hanging that sentence in the air as John glanced at him with dark brows raised.

Glancing at his watch and inwardly sighing, John slowly shook his head as he turned his focus on his work and wished for the clock to go faster. The typing of keyboards and tapping of pens as the tips hit paper didn't stop his mind from wondering far from what he was suppose to be doing.

It was making work hard.

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Mashing up dog kibble and mixing it with wet dog food had now become a normal thing to do for the past few weeks. Placing a hand full of dog kibble onto a plate and grabbing for her metal spoon, Maria used her strength to crush and mash up the dog food to the point it was almost a powder and dumped it into the bowl that held wet dog food. Mixing it around quickly, Maria sat down on the couch, where Ace had slowly moved himself, and placed a towel under his large head. Ace's eyes looked up at her willfully and longing for the meal that was about to come.

"You know, the dog seems to get healthier meals then we have for the past few days." Maria said out loud as she spooned a small amount of food into Ace's open mouth. "I swear to you, my man, John's getting tired of hamburgers with salads and fries. Not careful and he'll end up removing me from making dinner." She chuckled to herself as she spooned another amount of food into his large mouth. Ace tipped his head back as he moved the soft food to the back of his throat, drool started to form along his jowls.

Glancing at her watch, Maria saw that John was due to come home for lunch within an hour at the most. Before he had left for the morning, John has promised he would bring home some lunch for both of them and to give her a break. Cooking and cleaning had been her way of dealing with her rising stress and it was something he had watched when she almost put cleaning solution into the fridge while putting the jug of milk into the closet.

Using the towel to wipe the drool from Ace's jowls, Maria finished off feeding him before heading to the kitchen and washing the bowl, plate and spoon. Drying them thoroughly, she placed them back to where they go and sat back down on the couch, Ace's large head resting on her lap. Knowing when he needed to go out like clock work, Maria decided to t wait half an hour before working slowly to take him out. Flipping from one channel to another, she decided on the Discovery channel as the main topic was The Bermuda Triangle. "Might as well, right?" She sighed as the talk turned to the disappearance of the WW2 planes, resting her head against the couch pillows and one hand gently stroking Ace's large head.

Unknowingly, Maria had fallen asleep and didn't know she had until she felt something soft against her lips and she jumped away. "I'm awake!" She announced groggily, waiting until her eyes focused again and saw John kneeling down beside her, a soft smile on his lips. Beside him was a brown paper back and something that smelled wonderful was leaking through the opening. "And glad to see you when I wake up," She smiled softly back.

John chuckled softly as he stood back and placed the bag on the dining table. Turning his head a little, he could see Maria had wiggled her way out from under the sleeping Ace and wrapped her arms around him. Returning her hug, he gave her a small kiss on the lips and softly said, "How's he doing, sweetie?"

"He ate all his food I gave him, relaxed against me and we fell asleep without knowing," She smiled up at him and pressed her lips to his jaw. "Thanks for waking me, by the way."

Motioning his head in the direction of where the food was, he removed his arms from around her and reached into the paper bag. "I knew you would want to be awake for this," He grinned as he pulled several white containers from the bag. "It's been a while since we've had Chinese and I'd like to announce we have enough food to last us a few meals." Placing the containers on the table, he felt hands turn him around and was pulled into a deep kiss.

Startled for a brief second, John moved one hand to caress her cheek while the other one went to wrap around her waist. Placing one hand on the back of his neck, Maria pulled him closer as much as she could without harming either of them or leading to something neither of them needed to happen at that moment.

Several long minutes later, Maria moved to press her forehead against his and breathing heavily as she moved her hand from behind his neck to his chest. "Thank you," she whispered between pants and smiled when he smiled back. "And, hate to tell ya this, but that may be our only type of contact until something happens with Ace."

"It's alright, sweetie," John smiled as he pulled away from her and unloaded more food from the bag. "I know you've been busy with Ace's care and pushing yourself to make sure he's comfortable - I love your focus on him." He held a chair out for her and waited until she sat down, "So, don't worry about restless nights between the sheets, babe. I'm not going anywhere since I know you need _me_."

Reaching up and gripping his tie, Maria smiled up at him and pulled him down until their lips lightly touched. "Thank you," she whispered as he stood back up and fixed up their lunch. "Again and I mean it."

"I know you mean it," he replied softly as he sat across from her and spooned some food on their plates. "But, for now, let's think happy thoughts for this small hour? So, what were you watching before you drifted off?"

Maria gave a one shoulder shrug as she picked up her fork and moved a small amount of food into her mouth. "Something on the Bermuda Triangle and WW2 planes disappearing...something that didn't seem to keep my attention apparently." Smiling to herself, she moved her foot under the table until it came in contact with his foot, nudging him ever so slightly. It was a habit she had done when they were on the job and had a short time together during lunch breaks or sitting at the same table, going through files. It was her way of saying, "I love you."

Lifting his eyes and smiling at her, he returned the nudge and made her laugh softly. Grinning back at her, John felt his tension slip away for that small hour as Maria's face began to glow again - for the first time in a week.

**Didn't mean for this to take so long. Life's a little....weird right now.**


	3. Chapter 3

After a long day of hand feeding, small steps to head outside and finding ways to distract herself, Maria curled up beside John sleeping body. Tracing designs on his bare chest and feeling the sleeping Ace at their feet, she tried to concentrate on John's breathing to help lull her back to sleep. Earlier, she had been fast sleep until she jumped awake from a dream that startled her, but didn't wake either of them.

So, here she was. Listening to John's soft snoring and feeling him breathing under her hand, one of his arms had moved around her shoulders unconsciously. It made her smile at the feel of his hand on her upper back and rested her cheek on his chest.

When John had returned from work that evening, he had treated her to some special wine he had picked up on the way home and it helped her relax while John took over the care of Ace for the evening. Sitting on the couch and watching John crush and mix the two different foods together, it made her smile as he baby talked Ace into eating the food from the spoon. She swore Ace glanced at her with a look of, "is he for real?" as John seemed to enjoyed himself and oblivious to the glancing Ace was giving to Maria.

_Maybe John should hand feed him more often, _Maria smiled to herself as he rolled over in his sleep and draped his other arm over her. Hearing a whining sound by their feet, Maria raised her head as far as she could and could see Ace's reason to complain - one of John's feet had moved and laid on top of Ace's muzzle. Lifting his graying muzzle, Ace rested it on top of his leg ankle and sighed. Laying her head back down, Maria nuzzled closer to John and just laid there with her thoughts. _Ace is old, I know that - everyone knows that. He struggles to walk, stand and even doing his business. I know he's struggling with everything that used to be simple for him...what am I going to do? _She sighed heavily to steady her emotions as they started to rise in her throat. _Easy, girl. You start crying and John's going to wake up. You don't want him to, right? He worked a long, hard day and he deserves to just sleep. If Ace is struggling to get up tomorrow morning, you know you are going to have to make a decision to slow down or stop his pain, right? _She shifted her arms so one was draped over John's waist while her other folded up near her chest and it quickly wiped the rising tears from her eyes.

_You know what you're going to have to do, right?_

_---------------------------------_

Rising early that morning to make breakfast, Maria felt like she was in a fuzzy daze as she started up the coffee maker and turned on the stove. Pulling out a plastic wrapping that held turkey bacon, she took deep breathes and continued to glance over at her cordless phone, knowing who she wanted to call. Scrambling the eggs and pouring them onto the pan, she listened for the alarm clock that had been set to get John up. A few minutes past as the alarm sounded and she could hear John slowly getting up and heading in for a shower. Smiling to herself as Ace ever so slowly emerged from the bed room and sat down beside her, she could see he was loosing the fight with old age. His head was low and his breathing seemed forced as he started to pant.

Reaching a free hand down as she flipped the bacon, she gently stroked the top of his head and released a long sigh. "I know, buddy. Just a little longer now," She looked down at him and looked into his dark eyes. "I promise."

Moving the cooked breakfast onto plates and placing them on the table, Maria felt arms wrap around her waist and lips connecting to her neck. "Morning, sweetie," he smiled warmly as she leaned back against him. "How you doing?"

"Alright, I guess, but I'm not sure about Ace." Their eyes moved to look at him, Ace's eyes staring at them as if he understood what she was thinking. "At this rate, I know what I'm going to have to do, though."

"What ever you have to do, love, I'll support you." John smiled down at her sadly as his fingers gently caressed her cheek. "I can also see you made breakfast. What did you make this morning?"

"Eggs, turkey bacon, toast, and coffee - a healthy breakfast at most." She nodded firmly as they both sat down at the table. "But, back to Ace...I think I know what I have to do for him."

John's eyes watch and observed her carefully, knowing fully what she meant. After she had watched her former partner, Alex, die painfully after he was shot by a sexual predator, Maria had held a silent vow to herself that she would not let Ace suffer that. Slowly chewing and swallowing his toast, John inwardly sighed as he reached across the table and took a hold of her hand. "When are you going to call the vet?"

"Late in the morning. I want it to be the earliest as possible so Ace doesn't have to wait," Maria's green eyes were downcast and her fingers moved to grip his hand. "There's a part of me that doesn't want to call him, but another part of me just wants to end it so he's not suffering any more and staring at me with those terrible eyes." She looked down and stared at him as he fell asleep beside her, his muzzle resting on her bare foot.

"Not to mention you need some rest, too," While she had thought he had been asleep last night, he was fully awake and had heard her fighting the tears that had threatened to fall. Moving his fingers to his were linked with hers, John watched her as she ate slowly while working on his food as well. Moments later and after a quick trip back to the bathroom to brush, John leaned back in his chair and tilted his head to look at her face. "Would you like me to stay home?"

"No, you have to go in, but I can call when I get an appointment for him." Standing to place the dishes into the sink, a pair of hands took a hold of her shoulders and turned her around. Wrapping his arms around her, John held her tightly to his chest and allowed her cry against him and release all the stress she had been holding in. Feeling her pull her head away from his chest, John allowed her to brush her lips against his as a hand slipped to the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

Aware of how much time he had left before he had to get going, John moved a hand to caress her cheek and slowly pulled away. Using his fingers to wipe away her tears, John sadly whispered, "I have to get going, baby. What ever appointment you get, call me and I'll come right back, okay?"

Closing her eyes and nodding, John pulled her into a tight hug and hoped her a better day, no matter what happened. "Thanks," Maria gave him a forced smile as he checked his Glock, making sure it was secure before giving her a quick kiss. "Have a good shift, okay."

"I will," he replied softly as he shut the door behind him, regrettably leaving Maria behind to deal with the decision.

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Distracting herself by washing the dishes, Maria didn't really notice she had been scrubbing the same plate for five minutes, until the phone started to ring. Jumping and dropping the plate to the floor, Maria mentally cursed herself as she waited for the answering machine to pick it up.

"_Maria Frank, this is Dr. Jones from the vet's office, coming to check in on Ace's condition..."_

_Perfect timing, _Maria bitterly kicked herself as she rushed to pick up the phone. "Perfect timing, Jones."

"Really? How's he doing today?"

"Not all that great. Listen...I have decided on the decision to stop his pain," She paused as she took in a deep breath. "before it gets any worse."

"Oh, dear._" _She heard him sigh over the line. "Well, what I can do is make an appointment for later this afternoon and you can decide where we should do it."

Slowly sinking down to sit at the table, Maria rested her forehead in her hand and took in a deep breath. Looking up at the clock and seeing it was ten minutes to three in the afternoon, she pinched the bridge of her nose and begged for her headache to go away. For this awful drama to just go away. "Later this afternoon is good and I would rather have it done here instead of at your office. I...want him to be around what he knows, Doc."

"I understand, Maria. How about around five? I can come over at that time, get him comfortable and we can go as slow as possible so we don't cause him more pain."

Swallowing hard to keep her emotions in check, Maria let out a barely audible "okay" before hanging up and sinking to the floor, her fingers moving to stroke through Ace's neck fur. "I'm so sorry, Ace. I really am, old man," She looked over at him and stared into is dark eyes. Resting his head on her thigh, Ace let out a sigh along with a groan. Moving her eyes to look at her phone, she knew John had to be called, but something was stopping her. She felt numb from grief and just couldn't find the nerve to press the numbers of John's cell. Shaking her head, she reached for her cell phone instead and pressed only speed dial instead of the seven was answered after four rings - something that was normal when he was at work

"Maria? Everything okay?"John's voice was low in volume, but she could hear him loud and clear.

"The vet had called earlier and we worked out an appointment for five," She felt her throat go tight and the sigh on the other line showed her John could tell the difference between her normal tone over her emotional tone. "I had said I wanted it to be done here in the apartment and not at the office."

"Okay, babe. Well, let me talk to Cragen for a few minutes and I'll be home shortly."

Maria let out a long sigh and tilted her head back and stared up at the ceiling. "Okay then...I'll see you soon. I love you, John."

"And I love you, too."

Hearing him close the phone, Maria wrapped her arms around Ace and held him close while he slept. His dry nose was cracked and his breathing was sounding forced again, even while he was on medication for his discomfort. Closer her eyes to help counter her rising headache from constant crying, she lost track of the time while she sat with Ace, running her fingers over his body and took in his body shape. She wanted to remember what he looked like, even with all the pictures she had of him, she wanted to remember _this_ moment in time and what he looked and felt like.

Lifted her head when a hand touched her cheek, Maria hastily wiped away the tears that had fallen. "Hey, um..." Composing herself by taking deep breathes, she flash a small smile as if to show she was all right, but John could tell she wasn't. "I didn't hear you come in."

"It didn't seem like you did since I said your name twice, babe." He held his hand out for her to take and pulled her to her unsteady feet. Lifting her tear stained face to look at him, he gently cupped her face and watched as she leaned into his touch. "You look like you want something, love."

"Yeah...a decent meal, a full night sleep and a shower," she whispered, her eyes closing and opening slowly. Sighing and pulling away from his hand, Maria sat down at the table and looked up at him with sad eyes. "But...I can't leave him alone right now. Not with the vet comin' to...," She stopped and couldn't continue.

Moving forward and kneeling down to look in her face, John placed his hand gently on her knee and tilted his head to look in her face. "I'm here for you, Maria. You understand me, right?" She nodded and placed her hand over his. "I know this is hard, baby. Ace knows you love him and knows you are trying hard to keep him comfortable."

She took a deep breath to steady her now heavy breathing and released it slowly, as she gazed down at John from the bottom of her glasses. He knew when she did that, she was slipping into cop mode and keeping her emotions in check - it was her going through the stages of grief. He had seen this a many times, during moments of the year when she would remember back to when her parents had died - her mother pulled the trigger on her father before taking her own life. "Can I admit something to you?"

"Absolutely," John firmly nodded, keeping his voice at a calm tone.

"Why do I feel like I'm playing God? I just decided the fate of my dog and now...I can't see him not being around me." She lowered her eyes and her shoulders slumped. "I feel confused about all this."

"You're trying to do what's best for him, Maria. Do you want to postpone the vet visit? I can call him right now and tell him-"

"No," She cut him off, her hand moving to caress his cheek. "No, it's alright. He's coming in a few hours so he has some time to spend with us." She looked down at the aging dog, who had rested his large head on her foot, his dark eyes staring up at her. Reaching down to pet him, a sad smile tugged at her lips. "I just can't let him pain continue, you know?"

From John's expression, he knew and understood.

**To be continued...**


	4. Chapter 4

In a way of making Ace as comfortable as possible before the vet was due to arrive, Maria and John helped him up onto his feet and lifted him onto the couch. Placing his favorite blanket under his large head for comfort, Maria undid his collar and slipped from under his thick neck. Sitting down on the edge of the couch and running his fingers up and down Ace's back, John glanced down at his watch and saw it was quarter to five. His felt that lump gather in his throat.

"John?"

"Hm?" He lifted his head to look at Maria kneeling beside Ace's large head.

"Had you ever had to let a pet go like this as a kid?"

Inhaling a deep breath, John furrowed his brows as he thought back through his childhood. "Well...we had this cat growing up. She was more my mother's cat, but she was just like one of the family. One day, she disappeared and we never found her until a few weeks later. She had gotten into a fight with a possible feral cat and we took her to the vet due to her injuries. We ended up having to put her down after we were told she had no chance to make it." Running his hand firmly over Ace's back to help his tense muscles, John remembered back to difficulty his mother had with the lose. "It didn't really hit me until a few days later until I saw mom packing away her toys and I went to my room and cried."

"I'm so sorry," Maria whispered as John's jaw clenched. "This is the cat tragedy all over again, huh?"

"Yeah, except Ace isn't a cat nor badly injured." He replied back with a firm tone. "That is what I'm grateful for, sweetheart." His eyes lowered and released a long sigh before continuing, "It's really quick, though. Smores was in the middle of purring when they gave her the shot and she was gone within seconds."

"Smores?"

John nodded and with a slight smile. "Yeah...she was a calico and Bernie named her." He leaned back in the seat, his hand still on Ace's back, "I wanted to name her Snickers, but I was out voted two to one."

Maria cracked a small smile until a knock at the door wiped it away. John stood and walked to the door, peering through the peep hole. "It's the vet," his voice was at a low level, glancing at Maria's sad stricken face. Opening the door, John held it open as the middle aged man walked in with his suitcase and shook his hand. "Thanks for coming over, Doc."

"No problem, Mr. Munch," He said in a soft voice as he headed in the direction of the living room. "Maria, how's the patient doing?" He knew the answer, but he just had to ask.

She gave a half attempted shrug as he sat down and ran his hands over Ace's back. "For now, he's just hanging on, Steve." She rubbed under Ace's ear as he leaned his head in the direction of the scratching. "Or at least, he's trying to hang on."

Opening his suitcase and removing his stethoscope, Steve listened to Ace's heartbeat and felt around for his pulse. "Okay, what I'm going to do in inject him with the euthanasia through the vein in his right front leg. He's not going to feel any pain, it's going to be really quick and it's going to be like he was falling asleep."

Feeling her throat going tight and dry, Maria nodded as she continued to rub under Ace's ear for her own comfort. John kneeled down on one knee by Maria, one hand going to her lower back while his other hand went to stroke Ace's neck. Watching him reach back into the suitcase, John leaned close to her ear and whispered, "It's okay, baby. Just keep petting him and take deep breaths." Nodding at his advice, Maria chewed on her bottom lip as Steve readied the needle and rubbed Ace's leg.

"Here we go," He whispered as he inserted the needle into Ace's leg and slowly injected the solution. "I'm sorry, old man."

Ace released a sigh as Maria leaned over and kissed the graying muzzle, her tears landing in his fur. Pressing her forehead against his dark head, she felt as he went drew in one last breath and was still. "Oh, God...," Maria allowed her tears to fall as Steve took one last inspection with his stethoscope and gently petted his still body. "Oh, Ace...I'm so sorry, baby boy."

Placing his hands on her shoulders and giving them a gentle squeeze, John tried hard to keep his own emotions in check while Maria grieved. Glancing over at the vet, he rested his chin on top of Maria's head to give more comfort and asked carefully, "What can I do about getting cremation?"

"Don't worry about, Mr. Munch. I'll take care of it." He waved his hand to wave off the offer. "I know someone who gives free animal cremations for free for our boys in blue. I can give her a call, let her know and it can be done before tomorrow afternoon. She can also reserve a spot for him if that's what you want." John nodded as Maria lifted her head, her red eyes looking at him.

"No, wait. You can take him and get him ready, but I'm taking him back to Boston to be buried. He had been born and trained there." Maria stated firmly, her voice hoarse from crying. "He was born there and he's going to be buried there." More tears streaked down her face as she looked down at Ace's still body. "You can cremate him, but I want him to go back home where he belongs."

Steve placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "I understand, Maria. When would you like me to move him to the vet's office?"

"Tonight, but I want to say one more good bye to him."

Steve nodded as he reached into his case and pulled out the black bag. "Sure, let me know when you're ready." Standing and heading into the direction of the kitchen, he pulled out his phone and placed a call.

---------------

A half hour later, John and Steve had carefully moved Ace into the black bag and headed to his car while Maria hide in the bedroom. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Maria held onto the dark red collar with the gold plated license with his name etched in. Hearing a door shut and foot steps heading towards the bedroom, Maria didn't even glance up when John said her name.

Sighing, he sat down beside her and took a hold of her hand. To him it felt cold, clammy and, to him personally, it felt like it had been drained of her gentle touch. "Maria? Talk to me, baby," he reached out and gently caressed her face. "Please, sweetie."

Turning her head slowly, she stared at him with a blank stare. "What do you want me to say? John...I don't know what I want right now and...he was here one second and gone the next!" Her voice was sore and hoarse still from grieving, her blank look mixed with her voice broke John's heart."I'm just going to take a shower and hide there until I feel like coming back out." Standing and pulling her hand from John's, she walked slowly in the direction of the bathroom and slipped through the door.

Shedding her clothes and turning on the water, Maria stepped in and allowed the steaming water to pound her back. Closing her eyes and letting out a sob, she covered her face with her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably and nearly jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Looking up and seeing John stepping in, Maria watched as he tipped her head and kissed her gently.

Fueled by her bodily tension and feeling the urge to release her stress, Maria's hands moved to the back of his neck and pulled him closer, her tongue moving to taste him. Giving her what she was wanting to have, John wrapped his arms around her to keep her steady until she felt the need for air and pressed her face into his chest. "Easy, baby. Easy," He whispered to her as she finally allowed her tears to fall to the point she hiccuped.

Standing in silence, they both held onto each other under the warm water and allowed their silent tears to mix in with the pounding water. Feeling numb, Maria could only feel John's long fingers going through her wet hair. "I miss him," She whispered against his ear, feeling him embrace her closer, his hand moving the the back of her head.

"I miss him too, baby."

**An add in at the last minute - this fic is dedicated to all the family animals we have lost. Mostly to Phantom who had passed away May '08, when this was originally written down on paper. **


End file.
